Dealing with the fear monster

Lately I’ve been working on dealing with my “fear monster.” He’s my imaginary friend who talks me out of doing whatever it is that my heart wants to be doing. What I’ve found to be really helpful is to write him a letter and talk to him about whatever he happens to be afraid of at the moment.

No matter what he’s upset about, I’ve found that I usually have to do the following things to get him to settle down. I have to repeat myself a few times, but eventually he gets there.

1. Accept and understand the fact that he’s afraid. Tell him that I understand he’s just concerned about me, but he’s not helping.

2. Explain to him how his fears are actually hurting me.

3. Try to reason with him.

4. Ask him to relax.

5. Help him focus on love instead of fear.

Here is a recent letter I wrote to my fear monster. Most of it is about the fears that are keeping me from writing my book. It starts out talking about a certain anonymous boy. The day before, fear monster and I had a little chat about telling the anonymous boy how I feel about him. His name has been removed because I still haven’t told him, but otherwise this is exactly as I wrote it.

Dear Fear Monster,

Ok so we epic failed on telling [Anonymous Boy] how we feel, but that’s ok because we can try again next time. But this has really got to stop. I know you’re just trying to help but you really are standing in the way of pretty much everything I want to do in my life. Not only with [Anonymous Boy] but with writing my book too.

Whenever you’re afraid of me doing something, it always turns out to be wonderful. Remember how afraid we were of going to t’ai chi in Beijing? It was amazing! But we only went once! That was a little bit my fault because I couldn’t wake up early enough, but I feel like I was deprived of something really wonderful. We could have learned a new form of t’ai chi from a real Chinese seefoo! I think I maybe spelled that wrong, but you get my point.

The richness of life depends, it seems, solely on doing the exact opposite of what you tell me to do. Don’t feel bad. I know you’re just trying to help. I understand your concern for me, but honestly, this has to stop. If you let me write my book, guess what? You get to be the main character. I’ll tell the whole world about you! You’ll be famous! Doesn’t that sound great? We should give you a name. What would you like your name to be? George? That sounds like a nice name, doesn’t it? Let’s stick with that for now.

I guess you’re kind of like my friend Xavier in that he uses reverse psychology to get me to do stuff. Except when you say it, you aren’t actually trying to get me to write my book are you? You’re actually terrified that I’m not a good enough writer, or that I’m not funny enough, or that no one will buy the book and I’ll have to work at this job forever. You’re actually scared of that!

By being scared, you are paralyzing me. But I have to ask you this – what’s the harm in trying? What do we lose by trying except maybe some time and the postage stamps for mailing off inquiry letters? A bruised ego, you say? But that doesn’t matter. If we get some criticism, all that means is that we might be able to improve a little bit for the second book! Yes, of course there’s going to be a second book. But don’t you start worrying about that yet.

I know that’s all you know is fear and worry. But I’m telling you that you don’t need to worry. Everything is going to work out just fine. You’ve already told me many times what the worst case scenario is, so let me tell you about the best case scenario and I think you’ll see it’s worth the risk. Best case scenario is that the book is a HUGE hit – an international bestseller and, as they say, an “instant classic.” I get to quit my job and write for a living. People pay me absurd amounts of money to fly all over the world and speak. World leaders like the President ask for and trust my advice. I win a Nobel Peace Prize for my efforts in getting people to get along with each other. Doesn’t that sound great?

Yes, I know there’s a pretty good chance not all of that will happen, but there is the chance that it will! Isn’t that worth risking some criticism? And you know what? You’re right, there will be criticism. There always is. But those are just the people who listen too much to their own fear monsters – no offense. The kind of people whose opinion I give two shits about, the kind of people who really matter, they’ll love it.

Even worst case scenario, we’re still going to get published and help the people who buy the book. Even if only two people buy the book, it’s still going to help me just to write it! And I’m the one you’re so worried about, right? The process of writing this book is what is best for me. So no matter what it is you’re afraid of, you don’t have to be afraid of it. I want to write this book at any cost. I would give up everything to that end. This is my purpose, my higher calling. Whatever sacrifices I have to make, even to my ego, are well worth it because doing this will be so fulfilling. It will feed my soul. I know you know this. So don’t be afraid!

Love,

- TDL Reader

 

http://thedailylove.com/daily-share-dealing-with-my-fear-monster/